We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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