At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
