We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
