We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize