mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
