I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
