I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
