I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
