This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
