we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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