I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
