i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
