the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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