Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
