Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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