I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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