My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
