It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
