remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
