today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
