K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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