If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
