Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
