dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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