so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
