I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
