I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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