Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
