community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
