your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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