you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
