I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I died a long time ago.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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