Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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