Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
