there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How does it feel to date your dad?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
