Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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