the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
