No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
