he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
