He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
