He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
