How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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