I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
soo... how was my night?
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