I met the friendliest cop last night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
