I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
