youre lurking in front of me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
