I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think your dad took our porno
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
