i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
