Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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