Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
