Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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