A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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