I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
