you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
